Letting Go as a New Year Dawns

My birthday falls on December 31. It’s a strange day to celebrate a birthday, wedged into that week after Christmas where nobody can remember what day of the week it is as schedules get tossed into the bin like used wrapping paper. Add to that, on New Year’s Eve, most have plans to celebrate the arrival of a fresh calendar with restaurant reservations or parties to attend. My birthday seems to get nonchalantly stirred in, like vodka into the punch bowl.

Because my birthday is at the end of the year, I can’t help but recap the past year while I celebrate it. For me, it was a year of upheaval and transition as my family moved across the state. We had to say goodbye to a lot of people and places we love dearly. And prior to the move, we sorted through belongings to determine what to hold onto and what to let go. That wasn’t an easy decision.

In a post-trauma world, we can find ourselves struggling in this ying & yang of holding on versus letting go. We cling to those things that make us feel safe. We put up emotional walls in an attempt to minimize risk or shut down danger. We grasp unhealthy coping mechanisms that make us feel better, for a moment, but insist that we pay the piper down the road. We’re like kids learning how to swim, clutching the side of the pool, unwilling to tread out into the middle where we can’t touch the bottom because our only conclusion is drowning. “Maybe I’ll be ready tomorrow.” But we already know tomorrow’s answer today; it never seems to change.

I’m not going to tell you that letting go is easy. I’m not going to tell you that it’s all in your head and you just have to have faith. I won’t say that because I know firsthand how crippling post-trauma disorders can be. I’ve felt frozen, numb, unwilling to budge. What I will say is that we do have to recognize the feelings and try to begin to understand their origin. When you can walk yourself back to that starting point, you’ll most likely find a false belief trying to weigh you down like cement shoes in that swimming pool. Once you discover what you felt was true actually isn’t, it becomes much easier to let go of it.

A new year is at our doorstep. I hope yours is filled with self-kindness. We can accomplish much in the next 365 days.