The Answer is Blowing in the Wind
“I’m not a very good writer, but I’m an excellent re-writer.” – James Michener
I figure it’s time to start writing again.
In the 1986 film “Hoosiers,” Hickory High School’s star athlete Jimmy Chitwood, a lanky, slick-haired, quiet kid beloved by the town, decides to end his hiatus from the 1951 boys’ basketball team during a school board meeting held to determine the fate of the school’s poorly liked coach.
“I don’t know if it will make any change, but I figure it’s time for me to start playing ball,” Jimmy matter-of-factly states in front of the crowd gathered inside a small-town church. As soon as the words dropped off his tongue, Jimmy is serenaded by a rousing applause.
Then, Jimmy voices words that bring the house of worship to a roaring silence. “One other thing: I play, coach stays. He goes, I go.” The townsfolk, knowing that the success of the team rides on whether or not Jimmy plays, re-votes to allow Coach Norman Dale to remain the leader of the team. And at the end of the season, Hickory is the state champ.
As I blew the dust off of this blog, I discovered that four years had passed since I had written the “About the Author” section. My marriage was just about over. My son was a fresh toddler. The 35W bridge collapse was one of the objects in the side-view mirror that was closer than it appeared. I was about to meet my future fiancée, and the writing stopped. The winds of life began to blow in a different direction, I suppose.
Four years later, the winds, now fierce, have shifted again. It’s been a summer storm of loss: the 10-year anniversary of the collapse is very much a reminder of what was before and also what has been lost since: a marriage and now a fiancée who I used to joke with about Taylor Swift’s song, “Are We Out of the Woods?” Sadly, it only became so at the end of the relationship — out of the woods, separately. Despite the fierce gale of the past few months I have held strong despite the propensity to overthink. I’ve relinquished grasping what I cannot, re-committed to self-discovery and have begun the process of renewal. I’ve read relationship articles online challenging men to “be the man you’d want to date.” I say, let me step back and be the man I want to be. The relationships will follow.
If I were to critique myself, I’d rate me as not a very good liver, but an excellent re-liver – not based on who I am today, but based on the level of awareness I’ve acquired. There is frustration in the continual slippage in the mud that the storm’s rains have left, oh sure, but is it not better to understand that one is slipping rather than to never notice? There is no recognition without awareness, and no change without recognition. That is where I feel I am a step ahead in life — a poorly footed step at the moment, but a step nonetheless.
The coach is Life. He stays, I stay.
I re-write.
And I change.
