The Cult of Personalities
“Scrunch. Scrunch. Scrunch.”
My snowshoes broke the silence tonight as I trudged along the shoreline of Sabin Lake. It was the perfect evening for the winter trek: thirty-one degrees and a calm wind, unusually mild for a night in late December on the Iron Range. I was prepared for the trek, donning black snow pants under my goose-down ski parka, my Bucky Badger knit hat and a headlamp swinging around my neck so I could see the path in front of me.
“Scrunch. Scrunch. Scrunch.”
The frozen lake was a blank white canvas that lit up in the darkness, only aided by the chairlift lights of the ski hill on the other side. Giants Ridge twinkled like a Christmas village you would find in a curio cabinet in some suburbanite living room. There I was, alone. I powered up my iTunes and Ingrid Michaelson sang inside my ears in an ironic juxtaposition.
The snow is snowing, the wind is blowing
But I can weather the storm
What do I care how much it may storm
I’ve got my love to keep me warm
I can’t remember a worse December
Just watch those icicles form
What do I care if icicles form
I’ve got my love to keep me warm
While I was alone, I was far from lonely. I retreated to the shoreline, where in the summer the pontoon rests while chained to a red pine. I sat down in the foot-deep fluff and lit a cigar I had stowed in my pocket. I puffed and took in the moment.
This week I’ve been focused on personalities. On the Myers-Briggs scale I’m an INTJ – Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging. Only 2 percent of people identify with this personality, so those of us corralled by this label kind of are, well, alone. What is the personality of an INTJ?
According to personality page.com:
With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action.
That sounds great, but there are also drawbacks.
INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people’s thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas. … Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn’t mean that he or she doesn’t truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas.
Of course, as an INTJ, there is a desire to analyze, interpret and find the most efficient solution. There isn’t an “off” button for this. It’s the rule of thumb for every decision that needs to be made. Every task becomes a fork in the road, tine after tine. I’ve come to live by the motto that every problem has a solution, and when I can’t make that solution visible, frustration sets in like the Arctic winter in Minnesota’s Arrowhead.
Having come to understand my personality, I’ve begun to look back at how who I am has affected the decision making in my not-so-distant past. How did me being an INTJ affect the decisions I made coming out of the 35W bridge collapse? How did it cause me to react when PTSD set in? How did it maneuver my steps (or missteps) as my marriage crumbled? To outsiders, I may have appeared to have been blasé to these things. Inside my head, I was going crazy trying to find logical solutions to each of them.
“Scrunch. Scrunch. Scrunch.”
Last night, a friend asked me if I thought any valuable knowledge could be ascertained regarding compatibility by analyzing others’ personality types. I replied that I thought there was value in it because we can better understand the why of how people behave when the situation is framed from their personality type rather than solely our own. What seems illogical to me may very well seem meet and right to you when viewed from your prism. We naturally default to our personality and perspective when faced with conflict. I’ve found that it’s not just seeing it from their side, but seeing it from their soul. All of a sudden a behavior starts to make sense.
When looking back, I see times where I didn’t see the situation from the other soul’s perspective. I cast that behavior or opinion off as not having value, limited or simply incompatible. And I am sure I have been on the other side of that as well. By better understanding my personality, I can see my blindspots much more vividly, and I can peer around them.
INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists. … INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. … On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.
I definitely feel I’m at a crossroads. There is a sea of untracked snow in front of me, waiting for my imprint. I welcome that and want to seize new opportunities, armed with the insights I have acquired along with the battle scars of the past few years.
As I finished my trek tonight, I took a long, hard look at the tracks my snow shoes had carved into the powdered-white meadow caked over the lake ice. They moved in a direction but were far from linear, wavering as I trudged along – whether I was facing a wide open expanse or winding around boulders strewn along the shoreline. But isn’t that life?
“Scrunch. Scrunch. Scrunch.”
