Curling or Trauma Recovery: It All Depends on Your Approach
In the holiday classic film “Home Alone,” youngster Kevin McCallister is accidentally left behind as his family travels to spend Christmas in Miami. The movie plot follows Kevin on his adventures alone in New York City as he bests to bumbling criminals in a series of hijinks.
The movie buys into trope that being alone on the holidays is a bad thing. “Nobody should be alone for the holidays.” But for me, being alone for the holidays has been a more common occurrence over the years since my trauma than being surrounded by family or friends.
As a trauma survivor, I’ve had problems with the holidays and being around others. I’ve viewed those “special” times as perilous periods filled with potential pitfalls. Those who haven’t effectively managed their trauma, like I was for years, are on constant high alert. We cannot separate ourselves from the “fight or flight” stage. It’s 24/7 and it’s exhausting. We’re constantly scanning, subconsciously, for that next stimulus that’s going to trigger us. We’re filled with stress, tension, and on the verge of reacting. It’s difficult enough when we can control our space. It’s nearly impossible when we are put in situations out of our control.
That’s why the holidays can be intensely uncomfortable for trauma survivors, even when surrounded by family and friends. We may find ourselves in others’ homes, on others’ schedules and living others’ itineraries. Not knowing what’s next leaves us with frayed nerves. We can’t define potential triggers. We only see getting away as the reprieve. There is often no “safe space” for us.
I wish it weren’t that way. I desperately wanted to enjoy that stereotypical holiday. Thankfully, I’m moving in the right direction, but my comfort zone continues to spend a holiday on my terms, in my space, and far from situations that could set a trigger in motion.
For those who haven’t taken the step of acknowledging their trauma, holiday get-togethers are pensive affairs. Only when we can understand that trauma can we begin to manage it. And once we can manage it, we can get to that place where stepping out of our comfort zone becomes an option. If you’re in this place, know that you’re not alone, even if you’re spending the holiday alone. And if you’re a loved one of someone who is in this place, I hope this post helps you understand why they are.
Trauma is a journey of a million steps, and not every step is forward. Have patience. Keep trying to understand and purposefully work toward managing. The holidays can be happy once again.
