How to Deal with Pesky Post-Holiday Triggers
It’s Memorial Day today, meaning most of us must return to our routine. However, for many trauma survivors struggling with triggers, this extended weekend was a welcomed break with opportunities to craft your time in a way to avoid triggers.
Whether we are managing our trauma triggers or not, sometimes we need to create that buffer zone to allow our hypervigilant minds to rest. (Trauma survivors’ brains are always “on,” ready to react when a perceived “danger” arises—whether real or only perceived—and that becomes exhausting over time.) So I hope you found that time to untether yourself from a world that seems to pepper us with flare-ups.
Now that we’re on the cusp of returning to our routine, that also presents opportunities to become triggered by life’s “normal” things. How can we prevent this?
The simple answer is that we can’t. Triggers are always going to come along. But we can head them off at the pass, if I may use an “Old West” expression. And the more we start “seeing” the triggers on the horizon, the easier it can be to react to them healthily.
Here’s an example. A few days ago, my wife and I purchased a few plants and topsoil to create some pretty flower boxes. We finished them up, watered them, and went inside the house. Two minutes later, I peered out the kitchen window to see one of our dogs next to the flower box, covered in wet dirt, with the corpses of our plants and soil strewn in every direction. My trigger warning light went off.
Had I not been practicing how I respond to triggers, I can assure you I would have flown off the handle. I would have punished the dog, and I would have been irritable for the rest of the day and probably responded as such to my wife. The incident would have ruined my day, and I, in turn, would have dampened my wife’s day.
So after my initial reaction of “Nooooooo!!!!” happened, I stopped myself. What was the true extent of the damage? I would have to redo the flowerbox and maybe replace the flowers. Was it the dog’s fault when I put the flowerbox within its reach? I took a couple of deep breaths, went outside, retrieved the dog, handed it to my wife to bathe the dog, and went to replant the flowers. Ten minutes later, everything was as it was.
That 10-minute incident could have gone either way, depending on how I reacted. The way I handled it got us through it without me ending up frustrated and irritable, and my wife and I could move forward without the trigger causing relationship erosion.
You’re going to run into triggers this week. That’s inevitable. When your trigger warning light activates, try to pump the brakes. Identify the trigger. Assess the real threat. React in a way that is commensurate with the event. And when you’ve done this successfully, celebrate it. Then try to do it again. And again. And again.
You’ll thank yourself. Your loved ones will thank you. And your dog will too. ;)
4 Steps to Walk Through A Trigger
Identify the trigger at its onset
Assess the real threat vs. the perceived threat
React appropriately
Celebrate your win (Kiss your wife; grab a beer; stop by Dairy Queen)
