Honesty is the Only Policy for Reclaiming Your Life
When I’m having a conversation, and my role in the Interstate 35W bridge collapse comes up, the other person usually says two things:
they will tell me where they were or what they were doing when the bridge fell; or
they will share their own traumatic experience
It is rewarding when I can create an environment where people feel comfortable and open up about their experiences. Too many people spend far too long bound by the heavy chains of trauma fallout. They can lose a significant portion of their lives—and relationships with loved ones—when they cannot find the path to reclamation. I believe any opportunity to provide a forum for conversation moves a person toward better health.
That said, people downplay their experiences too often when sharing them with me. It usually comes out like this: “… but it wasn’t as significant as what you went through, Garrett.” I understand why they might say that—they don’t want to sound as if they are minimizing what I went through. But I think many undervalue their own experience because trauma carries feelings of guilt and misguided reasoning that the survivor doesn’t deserve compassion or empathy. To the outsider, that might sound crazy, and it is, but it’s also the reality. And I think a Midwestern culture that teaches us to grin and bear it engrains the notion.
When struggling trauma survivors run on this operating system, they cannot be honest with themselves. This dishonesty prevents them from moving forward, and the cycle of feeling frozen, numb, and with little hope continues to loop. Write it down: We can’t reclaim our lives after trauma if we can’t be honest with ourselves about how our trauma affects us after the fact.
If you’re a trauma survivor, please take time to do an honest self-inventory of how you think you are handling your life after trauma. Ask yourself questions like:
How well am I handling triggers? Does how I handle (or not handle) triggers negatively affect the quality of my relationships with my loved ones?
Do I notice any unhealthy coping methods in my life? (drugs, alcohol, violence, gaslighting, gambling, etc.)
Am I living a life in balance? What areas of life do I need to adjust to feel healthier and improve my mindset? (physical, emotional, spiritual, social, etc.)
Yes, my traumatic event made the international news, prompted a U.S. president’s visit, and sharpened this country’s focus on infrastructure maintenance and replacement. But that doesn’t make my trauma experience more valid than another’s. Trauma is trauma, plain and simple, and it comes in all forms. Don’t downplay or dismiss what happened to you, or you’ll never be able to move forward.
